Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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