i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
