I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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