I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
