What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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