When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
