my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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