The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
