we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
