Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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