I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
