So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
