I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
