I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
