is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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