Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
