The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
