im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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