The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
