My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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