There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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