I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
