What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry my hands just texted you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
