I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
