you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
