ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
