Your mouth is God's brothel.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
