saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
