I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Randomize
