my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
