The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
