On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
