I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
