i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
