3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
