Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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