and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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