Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
