even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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