I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
