do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
