i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
