therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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