he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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