i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize