my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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