grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
