What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
