You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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