She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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