super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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