If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
