just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
