Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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